riotmachine: (Default)

riotmachine: (Default)
1. 3 Gratitudes
2. Journaling
3. Exercise
4. Meditation
5. Random Acts of Kindness
riotmachine: (Default)
 You're on the precipe of an important decision, a deviation.  You're weighing the outcomes as you watch the pendulum swing.  You so wish you could control it's sway, the severity of its passing, but there is nothing you can do.  It is that feeling you've tried to escape for so long, the feeling that defined your childhood and chased you through adulthood.

This is where your real colors come out.  This is where your belief system truly manifests, and it's hard to swallow.  You can only lie to yourself for so long.  In the end...
You really couldn't change anything at all.  And inside, the last flickering part of you goes cold.
riotmachine: (Default)
 You're a deja vu.

Nostalgia is a dizzying feeling; like some emotional vertigo.  Sleepwalking in memories, half the time I am expectant to hear ranting about the amygdala, or your progression on your medical experimentation with rat brains.  I'm terrified what I'll feel if you show up in a Donnie Darko-esque skeleton hoodie, grab my hand and dare me to venture in the dark.
You're not them, but you could be.  No, you're a better person than they were.  I can't shake off the feeling of familiarity where  there is none.  I feel like I know you, intimately, and I keep lying to myself to feel better.  I'm crazy, I say.  I'm crazy, and it makes me feel better.  I'm crazy. Off my rocker. I am seeing only what I want to see. I'm crazy.
But.. you are still the better person, and that's what makes this so hard.


riotmachine: (Default)